Review: Madame (2017) ★

Amanda Sthers’ romantic comedy, Madame, exemplifies just how pervasive American cinematic banality has become. Despite being written and directed by a French filmmaker and set in Paris, the entire film is stuffed with hackneyed Hollywood tropes and a proclivity for all things sentimental. It is a given that, when faced with the prospect of developing a romantic plot, even one infused with comedy, that an appeal to people’s base emotions is a helpful crutch, perhaps even a necessary evil. However, I, like most, have only so much patience for a story that is so painfully familiar, so unbelievably trite that it makes one wonder how it ever acquired funding in the first place. Madame is a film that, despite being completely unnecessary, does exist. It was written, funded, produced, and exhibited despite being one of the most trite and repugnant films to come out of France in the last decade.

While living abroad in Paris, American couple Anne (Toni Collette) and Bob (Harvey Keitel), decide to throw a dinner party for fellow members of the upper class. However, when their son unexpectedly shows up for dinner, Anne becomes superstitious of hosting 13 guests. Desperate to calm her nerves, she enlists the help of one of her maids, Maria (Rossy de Palma), to pretend to be a woman of wealth and serve as the 14th guest. While at the dinner, Maria inadvertently flirts with David (Michael Smiley), a wealthy aristocrat, who quickly becomes infatuated with her. Anne and Bob are mortified at the prospect of their ruse being discovered, and attempt to thwart the budding relationship before things go too far. As a result, Maria finds herself in a situation where she can either be happy with the man of her dreams, or lose her job.

Madame has a point to make about class differences and the ugliness of elitism, but it is not something that needs careful analysis in order to be understood. Everything the filmmakers want us to be aware of is laid out on a platter, free from any ambiguity or nuance. Anne is the empty shell of a woman who has grown far too accustomed to being wealthy; she takes out her first-world problems on her staff and seems to lack even one shred of humanity. Maria is the Spanish maid with a heart of gold who only wants to be happy and live free of judgement. When times are good, Maria dances in her bedroom while Anne scowls and slinks off to work on her evil machinations. When times are bad, the music swells and Maria makes a heartfelt plea for sympathy while Anne revels in her own smug sense of superiority. Nothing is surprising, and everything relies solely on obnoxious platitudes.

It goes without saying that the acting is atrocious, because a film that lacks quality writing is nearly incapable of producing believable performances. When the characters are pathetic, and the scenarios contrived and predictable, it makes the act of watching a film like Madame essentially pointless. Why allow yourself to suffer when you already know precisely what tools will be used to torture you? The entire viewing experience is an exercise in futility. Unsurprisingly, watching famous actors act stupidly for the sake of an asinine plot is not an interesting or worthwhile endeavor.

I could go on and on about how absurd Madame is, breaking it down so that you might understand exactly what makes it such an inferior film. Scene by scene, line by line, it would be abundantly clear that this film is to be avoided, and should serve as a mark of shame for all those who participated in its production. But what is the point? By now, I have been very clear in my denunciation, and this film does not deserve the effort of anyone’s dissection. My only solace is that others will surely see the complete train wreck just as I have, and that romantic comedies like this will eventually die out for fear of audience revolt, but I’m not holding my breath.

Rating: ★ out of 5

If you wish to torture yourself with this film, Madame is available to purchase via Amazon here.